you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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