Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
