I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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