Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
