im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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