I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
