Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
