idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
