I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
