Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Don't make out with my wife yet
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
