Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
