So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
