Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Randomize
