I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
