my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
dude. I can hear the air.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
