I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
