cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
