He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
