I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
