We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
