I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
