When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
