I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
