he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You are the jesus of drinking
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
