I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
