They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
