i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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