ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
