and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
