I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
