I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
