im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
