He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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