btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
