I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
