I wish i was in the wii world.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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