lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
