i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
