It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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