He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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