don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
