Tell her she can't have a vagina
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You were trust falling into bushes
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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