found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
