Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
