About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
