Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
