Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
