How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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