I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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