Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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