dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
