it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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