So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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