dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
