I'm jealous of your bromance
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
