everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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