I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
