guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
